“I don’t want to hurt my partner again. It makes me feel sick when I see what I have done. What do I do if I get in that place where I feel like I am going to hurt them again? How can I stop myself?”
Question: I have been in recovery for twenty years and even though I have been sober all this time, I never got it together with my ex. I was still a scary abusive jerk. I am divorced now, but I have four children, some are teenagers and some are in their early twenties. I was abusive to them as they grew up. I would put them down and I was physically abusive to them, too.
Question: My partner is always on the phone. She’s always talking, texting, on IG, Tik Tok, whatever. I started to wonder if there was someone else, so I went through her phone when she left it out where I can see it. There was nothing there. Now my brother is giving me a hard time about it, saying it was wrong to go through her phone, but I feel a lot better and I know I’ve been much more chill with her since I took a look.
Question: My brother says, “He has the right,” all the time when I try to talk to him about how he treats his girlfriend. He says he “has the right” to decide what they spend money on, that he gets to decide that she should always take care of the kids, that she should make dinner and that he should be able to hang out with his friends when he wants to because he does “real” work.
Question: What do we do when we start having thoughts that we recognize as the thoughts that come right before we do something to control or harm our partner?